


Everything is Meaningless

by orphan_account



Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Mr. Peanutbutter and Diane are divorced, despite that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-08 21:11:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15938372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: 'That's what happens when you mix the appetite of a horse with the appetite of someone with a hole inside him that needs to be constantly filled with attention, food and sex.'Bojack thought he hit rock bottom more than a couple times. It doesn't compare to the actual thing.It feels like the only thing he has left anymore is Mr. Peanutbutter.





	Everything is Meaningless

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rock bottom isn't staring into the abyss, and it isn't the call of the void and the thought of answering.

Rock bottom is hearing the call and knowing you can't answer.

No matter how much you want to.

And because you can't - well. Bojack is well versed in the art of distraction. Parties, drugs, sex, drama, projects, scandals, alcohol and escorts.

It gets old and he doesn't hardly feel much about it, much about anything really. But it keeps him from thinking about how much he can't answer the call at least. For a few moments anyway.

And would it really be so bad to answer?

Only in that direction there is nothing - forever.

And - Bojack isn't ready to stop receiving validation quite yet.

 

 

 

The problem with that though is that lately praise hasn't been pouring from the normal quarters. Bojack has nothing. He's alienated everyone - Todd, Diane, Princess Caroline, Holly, his mother, his costars and his fans.

He doesn't consciously think it but he knows - there's only one person who has always wanted him around.

 

 

 

Mr. Peanutbutter finds Bojack face down in a pile of his own vomit.

It isn't a first and it isn't surprising.

In fact it's hardly off putting, and that's putting aside Mr. Peanutbutter's dog side.

"Bojack?" He asks happily, not expecting an answer.

Bojack only snuffles face down.

 

 

 

"You must really hate me, huh?" Mr. Peanutbutter finds himself saying hours later in the face of Bojack's vitriol.

"Funny, I was going to say the same thing about you." Bojack says angrily, sarcastically.

Why can't Mr. Peanutbutter see he doesn't want to be taken care of?

"Why can't you let me die in peace?" Bojack says, only half meaning it as he turns away and says on his side.

"Bojack." Mr. Peanutbutter says.

Stupid Mr. Peanutbutter.

 

 

 

Bojack has maybe always had a little problem with him. A large part of it is of course - jealousy. There's also a little something there too that Bojack doesn't like to acknowledge.

Mr. Peanutbutter is a charmer. He is likeable. More than likeable he is lovable. Partly it's his enthusiasm and his sincere interest in pretty much everyone he comes across. Partly - well? Some people just have it and some people don't. Lovability.

Bojack doesn't.

He resents Mr. Peanutbutter sure, but the problem extends beyond that. Because also somehow he likes Mr. Peanutbutter too.

Sue him, the guy is likeable.

And that's maybe why Bojack doesn't like it - hates it really - when Mr. Peanutbutter gets too close, too affable, too friendly.

He's not saying he loves the guy.

He's just saying he can't help but like him and that makes him feel...

That makes him feel, he guesses.

Which should be preferable to his unfeeling apathy but somehow is worse.

 

 

 

Mr. Peanutbutter growls when he's aroused. This is something Bojack wishes he didn't know. Wishes he didn't walk in on once or twice.

Lady's think it's sexy.

Bojack not so much.

 

 

 

What the pieces all add up to is this. A moment in Bojack's room, among the ruin, where Mr. Peanutbutter rubs his back comfortingly with a look of soft consternation.

"You're not going to though, right?" he asks.

"Why do you care?" Bojack returns before taking the path of least resistance, "it's not like I'd do it anyway. I'm too much of a coward."

Despite telling himself otherwise, it's nice to have the company after so much of no one for so long.

Even stranger, Bojack is letting Mr. Peanutbutter run a hand up and down his flank over his thick sweater.

He can't find the energy to tell him to knock it off though, and he doubts the idiot would listen.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Bojack asks, angrily.

The hand on his back briefly stops and he hears Mr. Peanutbutter sigh before the bed dips to accommodate his weight as he stretches out beside him.

Something in Bojack is always clamoring for attention.

He vehemently denies the impulse though when Mr. Peanutbutter is present. Because he hates him, yes. But also, because it feels kind of ...dangerous.

"You do...all these things. I pretend not to know why but I do know why." Mr. Peanutbutter's tone is serious.

Bojack hates it.

"Sex, food, attention. I keep hoping you'll get better even though I know it's not something you get better from." Mr. Peanutbutter continues.

"So why are you here?" Bojack bites out bitterly, patience thin.

"The reason I don't say anything, the reason I don't treat you different, is because I want you to know I accept you anyway."

It just figures Mr. Peanutbutter would come out with some lovey dovey type declaration that Bojack thinks is horse shit. He recognizes his anger is probably stemming from the fact that he never expected Mr. Peanutbutter, of _all_ people, to be this perceptive. That doesn't make it any less righteous.

"Right, you 'accept' me. Thanks sooooo much for that. That's just what I really needed, your acceptance."

Mr. Peanutbutter doesn't even flinch at the biting sarcasm.

"Bojack." He says tiredly, "After three failed marriages, it's not like I don't know that I'm shit at life. People keep leaving me too."

"Hey," Bojack defends, finally sitting up for what feels like the first time in days, "I never said anything about people leaving me. I wanted them gone."

"I'm just going to get right to the point." Mr. Peanutbutter says, tiredly.

It's out of character. It puts him on edge.

"We both know you have a hole inside yourself that you're trying to fill. That it's bigger than other peoples. What I'm asking is that maybe this time you let someone who loves you actually try filling it for once."

"Oh right, I'll just take out an ad, 'Lovers of Bojack come forward'. " Bojack scoffs.

"I'm saying," Mr. Peanutbutter reiterates, voice solid and serious - and he's never used that tone with Bojack. Diane, Jessica, Katerina, sure, but not Bojack, "I can provide all the mind numbing sex you need. All the attention. I kept thinking that if I...pursued you like I wanted to, well, that maybe I'd hurt you."

"That's...naive." Bojack says for lack of anything to say. "Wait - you said...someone who loves me."

Mr. Peanutbutter's words are a shocker. A surge of embarrasment engulfs Bojack for about 30 seconds.

It's impossible that Mr. Peanutbutter _loves_ him.

Mr. Peanutbutter takes it upon himself to strengthen his case in the interim.

He pushes Bojack back down to the bed, threads a hand through his mane, and growls dirty things lowly in his ear.

Really dirty things. That someone as plain good as Mr. Peanutbutter shouldn't be saying.

Bojack makes a small noise - and he's sure it's of protest - but even he isn't that committed to the lie.

"Okay." Bojack says eventually.

Because he's just so tired.

It probably isn't smart.

"Okay." Mr. Peanutbutter echoes back, and smiles despite Bojack's general lack of cheer.

Bojack is expecting quick sex.

Instead he gets heavy petting all night until Mr. Peanutbutter is able to rouse him, just the smallest bit.

They don't even come.

Instead Mr. Peanutbutter kisses him and climbs out of his bed at day break, makes him breakfast and calls a maid before he says he'll see him later tonight.

It's the first time in a long while Bojack feels something like anticipation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
